Again, reading Told By Teri’s newest blog on Jealousy and infertility inspired me to write another post! I LOVED her story! I had to learn this same lesson, as my husband is one of youngest of ten kids. We have 25 nieces and nephews (both sides) and 4 great nieces and nephews! Plus several more friends who had babies! That’s a LOT of jealousy! Out of all of those pregnancies, only three upset me (and only for 24 hours each time):
The first was when my husband’s twin sister was pregnant with her first child. This one hurt. It was his twin who was pregnant, and I desperately wanted a baby at that point. I learned to transform my jealousy into love. One look at that gorgeous boy, and I was in love! That baby is now in Medical School and has been a fabulous nephew. I’ve been blessed many times over with the love of my nieces and nephews. One of my favorites has been surprising them on Christmas morning so we can watch them open their presents. I love that my in-laws have welcomed us enthusiastically into their homes on Christmas morning so we could experience the joy all of those children felt.
The second was when my oldest friend was pregnant with my Godson. We were friends since Middle School, and I was so envious, but that immediately changed to love when she let me in and spend several days with her and her son when he was only a month old. I could see his face changing by the hour. What a gift!
The last was when my brother and his wife had their first child. I was in my 40s and thought this was all behind me, but when my stepfather announced that they were going to be Grandparents, I couldn’t contain my sadness. I rushed into the upstairs bathroom because I couldn’t stop crying. I wasn’t crying because they were having a baby. I was crying for my unborn babies, for my loss. I ended up talking to my brother and his wife about it, but I’m not sure they really understand. I was a thrilled to have a nephew! That day, I had to fully accept that I would never have these experiences. Those three sweet children are the closet I’m going to come to having my own babies, and I love them fiercely. My nephew is almost 4 and I dote on those kids as much as their parents let me. Having almost 30 nieces and nephews and getting to show each and every one how special they are is one of my favorite things.
A few years ago, I realized that since I do not spend time at soccer games, PTA meetings and other venues, I don’t have to follow those rules. I get to choose how to spend my life as I like! Once that thought popped in my head, I felt completely free. I was not bound by those rules! To experience that amount of freedom in an instant erased all of the jealousy I have ever had. I have a fabulous life! I live life to its fullest; I earned a PhD in Genetics; I travel the world; I have a very special fur baby who is completely spoiled; I co-founded BYMRKH with a wonderful partner who shares my vision of what BYMRKH can be; I have a caring husband who has taken care of me as I recovered from having my colon removed and undergoing chemotherapy. I have parents who are young enough to still be living life and I have had the support of the most wonderful Grandmother anyone could have. I get along with my in-laws and have a tremendous amount of respect for my mother-in-law, who raised 10 kids. She has imparted her wisdom onto me, and I am lucky.
Thank you, Teri, for inspiring me to share some of my pain of learning to live with MRKH!
Read Teri’s newest post, my inspiration!